help_for_ephemere

This was supposed to be a Heated Rivalry Part 2 post but I had the good sense to realize I won't have the time to finish writing it in the 20 minutes I have until I have to go to bed, so, it shall remain on my mental to-do list. Have this random things post instead.

( work stuff )

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A have a friend who's a big Critical Roll fan, so thanks to her I watched the Vox Machina show with very detailed commentary and handholding through the parts I found boring and disappointing (all the straight romance).

That friend is currently busy taking care of a newborn, but she did strongly recommend I watch The Mighty Nein, the next campaign from the same bunch to be turned into an animated show, and I have to say her predictions were spot on because I absolutely loved ( spoilers )

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Man I have a birthday this week and it's been... rough. I have a lot of baggage around my birthday, probably will for the rest of my life, but in past years I managed to really develop good coping mechanisms and techniques. And this year, for various reasons, it's just all crumbled to nothing.

This whole week is gonna be at my peak terrible mental health. Cried to

roga on the phone about logistics, like a totally normal person. Unable to answer any questions from relatives about what I want to do this weekend. Stressing out everyone and getting stressed out myself in return. Just really good times. If you happen to be one of the people who has no baggage around celebrating your birthday (I know these people exist! I have met them!) please send those vibes my way.

marina

I usually try to get my end-of-year post in before Jan 1st, but this year I made my peace with the fact that it'll come after.

Mostly because I already know this new year will be hard. Personally and otherwise, it will be a difficult time, I have no illusions about that.

But, a year ago things were so much worse. Personally and otherwise.

I was unemployed, extremely broke, sick for a prolonged period of time, there was one more war directly affecting me than there is today, and mostly all of those things seemed endless. There was no expiration date, no way to budget mental or physical or financial resources. It was all just survival mode.

But this year... this year on Dec 31st I had a job. A job I actually took time off from to celebrate novyi god. A salary! Coworkers I like, a really good boss.

This year a close friend just had a baby. Another close friend is due in the summer. A niece will be born within the next month or so. My family tree is weird but this one will be as close as I get to being a "real" aunt.

The world is full of horrors, but there's one less war. One less fucking war.

Last year I felt mostly helpless, and voiceless, and like there was no place for me in the communities I grew up in. I haven't talked about that yet, not anywhere, I think I'm still processing it. But this year I feel less helpless and more angry and disillusioned. Which may not sounds like it's any better? lol but it means I have more of a sense of control over my life, which is a good thing.

And of course, everything old is new again, with the hottest fandom right now being a Sid/Ovi secretly-fucking-all-along fic.

Everything still feels so fragile, so brittle. Like I said, this year will be difficult, I already know that. But it's still so much better, already, than the situation I was in last year.

I painted my nails a festive color, with holiday themed stickers. I got my loved ones presents on time. I am... mostly mentally coping with my upcoming birthday.

May you be the light and receive the light, friends. Thank you for being here for another moment, another year, another tiny lifetime.

S novym godom.